Tuesday, 18 August 2015

What am I Afraid of?

Where do I start? I'm afraid of a fair few things, from the irrational such as spiders, to the normal of looking a fool in front of people, but there are a couple which are, I feel, a bit more specific.

Fear of presenting in front of a small group of people I know.
I can present an assembly in front of 600 people, but ask me to do a five minute presentation in front of my class, even if it's only a class of, say, twelve people, and I will freak out. Something about knowing the people makes it all the more difficult, as though they will judge me more. It's hard to describe, because it's not a fear of public speaking, it's more a fear of speaking formally in front of people I know informally, and the fear that they will judge me harshly for it.

Fear of the Future.
I find it very difficult to look beyond the end of my degree. I imagined a future once, but that was shattered when I lost someone very important in my life. I don't want to set those same foundations if they're going to be ripped away from me again. Arguably, that was what did me the most damage in the long run. The future that I had invested so much of myself in could no longer exist, and that is what destroyed me.

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